When I was 5 years old my mother took me to our home country. The Philippines. In The Philippines every woman wants to be pale the way every American woman wants to be tan. I have always been fortunate to have the ideal Filipino look; dark features with pale skin. For the 2 months that we stayed there I recieved modeling and acting job offers, people stopped my mom on the street to tell her how pretty her daughter was, and all this time I was just a happily oblivious little girl.
As I got older I gained weight. At 11 I was at my heaviest weight, and I experienced all the things that come with childhood obesity. I didn't get involved in any sports, I had no friends because I didn't talk, I was extremely self-conscious, and the whole time I just ate to make myself feel better. This is about life as a pretty teenage girl, but I tell you about my obesity because I want you to understand that I do actually know what it feels like to feel unattractive and to be judged for being overweight.
At 13 I became sick. I could not eat and no one knew why. All the tests showed nothing wrong and yet I continued to shrink until everyone believed I was anorexic.
Beauty is a thing that everyone seeks after because society tells us that it is a goal worth a steep price. Since we were young, movies and TV showed us that the beautiful girl gets the prince and lives happily ever after. This idea has caused us to believe that in order to have a happy life we must find our prince charming, and to find our prince charming, we must be beautiful.
I am here to tell you today, that beauty is not all it's cracked up to be. Continuing my story, at 13 I was in my skinniest and most beautiful body. I must admit I gained confidence through this transformation, but those were also some of the most heartbreaking months of my life. I became quite popular with the boys. The older boys in particular. Since I wasn't used to this type of attention I relished in it.
It's a funny thing about being pretty. Girls hate you. I learned this very quickly. They may or may not go right out and act like they hate you. But if you want to stay off their list, you must be the perfect friend. Which is like walking on eggshells. No talking about your insecurities, there is no talking about boys who might like you, forget about even talking about any of your problems. In a girl's mind, pretty = perfect. So the majority of your friendships become personal counseling sessions, with you as the counselor. This is the only way to ensure you are not labelled as the biggest jerk in the world, even though your only crime was having good genes.
When it comes to guys, you can forget about it. Ultimately, any guy who is remotely attractive only wants to sleep with you. Most of the unattractive guys too. All those sweet things he says. It really means nothing. There will always be a prettier girl and that's where he will be. The guys who go after pretty girls will always be looking for the best offer. If you are unwilling to give him what he wants, he leaves. It's just one heartbreak after another until you eventually become like me and shut down emotionally whenever a sweet talker comes along. Trust me, it really is no way to live.
The world in it's fascination and envy of pretty people, judges us on everything that we do. I know because I used to. People watch you, waiting for you to mess up so they have a real excuse to hate you. A pretty person is still human, we have insecurities, desires, we get hurt, we need to feel loved like anyone else. But because I was born with a nice face and my body decided to make me skinny, which I honestly did not have any say in, my life is scrutinized.
I'm only glad to have experienced both sides of beauty. I know what it feels like to look in the mirror and want to rip off the face looking back at you. I felt that way yesterday. Whether we are pretty or ugly, fat or skinny, light or dark, it does not matter. It is never fair to judge a person based completely on their appearance. If we as people would learn to accept each other and realize that we are all human, we can make this life just that much easier for everyone.
